Expressing the truth

Expressing the Truth

Truth in inter-human relationships is a wide topic. However, it can be analyzed starting from the basic individual to individual interaction.  I am of the opinion that truth is a necessity and a privilege in a relationship. However, it is important to define truth.

The human mind is a complex mechanism, and the information that reaches it is translated differently from one individual to another. Our senses are gauging differently the stimuli we receive from the environment so the result of what we experience greatly varies. Moreover, much of the information that we are exposed to surpasses our perception threshold and is never computed.  Sometimes, the truth is too relative to be reliable. Consequently, the idea of honesty is relative too.

In a relationship, people try to experience one another’s universes and to walk a common path. Therefore, an accurate representation of their inner understanding of this path, of their value systems, and of the life experiences that influence their thinking is crucial. This is the only hope that different individuals can sustain a shared life experience.

In spite of their best intentions, some people are unable or unwilling to express their thoughts eloquently, thus creating a misrepresentation of their inner universes. Furthermore, this information is subjected to the listener’s own mental screening which can lead to vastly erroneous conclusions. This is an outcome that the parties involved may recognize only in time, as a result of repeated communication breakdowns. However, communication between people is likely to improve with prolonged exposure to one another. The silver lining is that people can learn to understand each other’s truths.  This is why I strongly believe that truth is a privilege and an incentive for enduring relationships.

All these factors can be extrapolated to wider social interactions. I find that the same intricacies apply. In mass communications there are too many risks associated to revealing unpolished truths, which can create serious and irreversible social phenomena. Sometimes politicians, as well as other influential people, creatively use this side effect. Humanity made an art of efficient mass communicating. The whole point is to convey a picture that represents the truth as most people would understand it, and generate a common vision. Many times, these communications sound very differently from what would have been expressed initially. Very often, they only contain fragments of information. Which brings me to the initial challenge of defining what truth is, a philosophical question that remains unanswered.

Have you ever struggled for something and failed? How did you respond? Have you experienced a feeling of disappointment and dissatisfaction of yourself?

Failure is not easy to cope with. It is a difficult enough experience when it occurs because of circumstances beyond of one’s control. When failure occurs because of very controllable factors, because of a personal miscalculation, an under- or overestimation, the guilt feelings become debilitating. Fortunately, like all raw and basic emotions, guilt has the potential of generating great levels of energy which enable an upward shift in one’s personal development. 

My first truly humbling experience of this sort was in 1997, when I took the entrance exam for the University of Philology and Foreign Languages in Bucharest Romania. Higher education has always been very important to me and became even more of a challenge because I could not truly afford it when I finished high school. I did not even try the first year, but I decided to study and take my chances one year later. Studying away from my home town became feasible because my sister applied too and we could share the living expenses. I had almost abandoned the hope of studying any time soon when my sister’s decision and my grandfather promise of some support made our dream possible.

I decided to quit the ridiculous job I had and concentrate on my preparation for the entrance exam.  The subjects tested were Romanian, French and English literature and grammar. Soon I realized that not being employed at all meant not having even the low income I used to earn, thus making me even more desperate and depressed. I also realized that it would be a good idea to take some private tuition in French grammar, as the exam for this subject was the most difficult.  I decided to take a part time job as a private tutor for a secondary school boy in order to pay for my French tuition. I also extensively studied on my own for Romanian grammar and literature. I paid little attention to English as I believed that it was my second nature… Why, I listened to and sang English songs and watched English movies every day!

Surely enough, the exam week came. I will only say that my hard work at Romanian and French paid off. My results were 9.8 in Romanian, 8.7 in French and only 6.9 out of 10 in English. I was the third failed person on the list. I was flabbergasted with shame. My family and friends urged me to appeal since this was a very common practice for the university entrance exams. I vehemently refused. I was already too ashamed with my lack of preparation to give up my integrity as well and claim special treatment. Instead, I decided to study harder for the next year’s exam and honorably gain my right to a place in that university classroom.

This experience taught me a very valuable lesson. Every step of the preparation for an important challenge is vital. It taught me that every missed class, every wasted moment will definitely have a detrimental effect in the future. When studying becomes too tedious and I am tempted to be superficial, I remember the strong bouts of self blame I felt back then. I remember the shame towards myself and the people whose opinions I cherished. That memory magically increases my motivation every time.

Otilia Bujor

Does any specific attribute, quality or skill distinguish you from everyone else? How did you develop this attribute?

In a world of uncertainties and distractions, the greatest anguish for people seems to be finding their place in the greater picture of life. We spend a lifetime acquiring and cultivating skills that enable us to reach that greater picture.  I, Otilia Bujor, pledge to Love. Love encompasses all my amazement at this wonderful world we live in as well as its extraordinary people. I wish to leave a legacy of love and contribute to the progress and wellbeing of the world in a meaningful way. Finally, my hope is to build a family of my own and convey this loving message to posterity through my children.  Though it is my core attribute, the ability to love is not something I can take much credit for, nor is it something I made efforts to achieve. It occurred naturally and it was nurtured by the amazing people who raised me. My greatest skill is the ability to leave my comfort zone in order to follow my dream, in spite of setbacks. That requires having the courage to face excruciating growing pain and fear. It means making great efforts to recover from every blow and carry on. Perseverance and persistence are important.

I believe that love, charity and the path to progress start at home. At 14, I assumed the challenge to be one of the main providers for my sisters and myself when we lost our parents. At 17, I started working for Italian companies in my home town of Tulcea, Romania. I became the pioneer, the leader and role model for my family.  I was the first to leave the comfort of home, of town and even my country.  At 20, I left Romania and went to work in Dubai UAE to improve my life standards. I worked myself into a position where I could grow professionally and be able to counsel and provide for my sisters. I constantly pursued higher education and eventually made enough money to afford it.

There were many things I was attracted to as a child but all of them became unattainable when I lost my parents.  At that point I tried listening to my calling and I was deafened by the monstrous screams of fear and despair. I could hear nothing and I could see only darkness in my world. I became overwhelmingly preoccupied with survival, finding food and clothes to even dream about becoming an artist, a ballerina, opera singer, a writer or an interpreter. But I never gave up on myself or on those who believed in me. I promised myself that I would find my way and inevitably stood again every time I took a blow.  Due to my talent for languages I landed a job in tourism and hospitality where I worked for about eight years.  I simultaneously completed my education in Business and Tourism. I felt that the field wasn’t right for me so I summoned the courage to leave it and opted for advertising and marketing, where I worked for another five years. I chose the field because it seemed a good outlet to make use of my innate creativity. I grew somewhat disillusioned with the field when I realized that I could not find a justification for manipulating people into buying products they didn’t need.

In my quest for Love I was blessed to meet a person who inspired me beyond my imagination. When I met Miguel I experienced an epiphany, but I never imagined its impact. I was flabbergasted at the realization that I met the proverbial “One”, the person that would change my life forever. I believed that I had found romantic love, and that we would build a family together, something I almost gave up on. Little did I know that this man would be the enabler of my actualization as a person.  I had the courage to leave my comfort zone and everything I knew to follow him to the USA. I left Dubai, my career, my possessions, my friends and even my family to be next to him. In truth, I left all the distractions that were clouding my vision from seeing what is truly important for a meaningful existence.

I had the courage to take this chance and now I am full of hope and joy at the dream of becoming a nurse and truly giving love and care to the world. I know it won’t be very easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. This is yet another opportunity to show what I am made of.  

Otilia Bujor

My Father

Society never fails to celebrate so-called heroes. These people charm Lady Fame, many times serendipitously. In contrast, society rarely mentions people who live valuable but humble lives and sacrifice their time to their own corner of the universe.  These great people, whether they are teachers of public schools, volunteer doctors and nurses, or just individuals trying to live with dignity, and raise their families with a sense of freedom and responsibility, are worth celebrating just as much.

My father was one of these people who fought their fight bravely and admirably. He was a hard working and honest man who died in 1991, at the age of 42, in the Romanian city of Tulcea where we lived. He was survived by my mother and three teenage daughters. This was a man who came from a modest background. His father was a sailor on the Danube river and his mother, a very wise woman, was a housewife. My father became the first college educated member of his family and he passed on that torch. He was a firm believer in education, knowledge and culture. He told me when I was very young that all the questions that I might ever have are answered in books, thus I must read!

This man struggled to abolish hypocrisy and complacency in his environment in spite of the overwhelming pressure of the Communist regime in those times. He had to live with the pain of leaving his children’s upbringing and education to others at times, albeit family members. He endured the humiliation of being exiled by the communist regime to a workplace far from civilization where he spent his entire week, away from his wife and children. All these sacrifices did not deter him from always speaking his truth and always speaking up. He spoke up at work as he spoke up in social gatherings with his friends, some of whom could have been spies of the system. He spoke up in front of his father too and stated his contrasting religious beliefs which earned him a bitter disagreement.

But speaking is not everything my father did. He applied his beliefs; he was involved. He participated in committees and tried to create better policies. He was involved in our school projects at organizational level at the request of our professors. As a husband, he was passionate, loving and a great provider and defender of his family. He was a self taught painter, photographer, poet and even flirted with music. He loved to read: philosophy, science and science fiction were some of his favorites. His practical side was just as amazing. He was an excellent carpenter, interior designer, cook and tailor. He designed and built all of our living-room and bedroom furniture. He tailored entire clothing lines for us.

Society needs to celebrate people like my father as well, in order to create a true shift in consciousness and provide a better life for the generations to come. These are the individuals who are building the change organically and perseveringly every day. These heroes, too, die on their battlefields.

Otilia Bujor

I got myself, and that's a lot!

How my grandma shaped my life

My grandmother was one of the best people I have had the honor of knowing in the course of my life, and certainly the most loving.  She was my mother’s mother and she was always very close to us. My opinions of her are very subjective because I have a very deep attachment to her, which continues after her death.  My maternal grandmother died on the 8 March 2010.

Grandma was the central person in our lives for a great many years. She acted more like a mother surrogate to me and my two younger sisters when we lost our parents. Due to the circumstances of the Romanian communist regime, both of my parents had to have full time jobs so they relied on my grandmother to raise us until we went to kindergarten. I was sent to my grandmother at the age of two months and she raised me until I was about four. Then I came back to Tulcea, the city where my parents lived and worked, and I was sent to a kindergarten and then to school. Still, for every single school break and holiday my sisters and I were sent to my grandparents in the village of Murighiol, Romania. We always looked forward to it because my grandmother and grandfather provided the safest and warmest environment we had ever experienced. There, we always found a lot of light, peace and love. We felt very attached to them and we all suffered from separation anxiety for the first few weeks back in school in Tulcea.

My grandmother was an army housewife, who followed her husband wherever he was sent for work and raised three children. When they retired, they returned to their native Murighiol. She was loving and caring but a good disciplinarian too. She taught us to love and protect each other, our parents and our relatives because family is very important and will stand by us in moments of great trials.  She taught us to be disciplined and hard-working because we have a responsibility towards ourselves and the society as a whole, to be productive individuals. She made sure that we had our responsibilities in the household without affecting our natural childish playfulness. We gladly helped her and Grandpa around the house because it seemed a grownup game. She taught us to love and give of ourselves with dignity . She taught us to be proud of who we are and humble enough to recognize the merits of others. She taught us that what you sow is what you reap.

But above all, my Grandma revealed to us the existence of God, a God who is loving and forgiving. She managed to instill this concept in us in spite of the Communists, who discouraged religiousness. Thus, we have survived all the trials that life has laid out for us and have done so with full courage and capacity to love. I can only hope that one day I will be as inspiring a parent for my children as she was for me.

Otilia Bujor.

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